Bullshit Happens

Video Transcript:

24 hours of programming, here's some bullshit that happened somewhere today. We've got some footage here of the bullshit which began just after three o'clock this afternoon when residents in this neighborhood were shocked to see this fairly common thing happening. An attractive witness described the event in breathless terms. I went to my window and I was like, well, there's some bullshit happening that happened right over there. I'm an old man so you can trust what I say. Authorities and special uniforms rushed to the scene to stand around while our cameras filmed them. Our reporter Keith Collins joins us now live from the scene of the bullshit through the use of expensive technology. Good to be with you again, Keith. We have a colorful graphic here that shows instances of bullshit like this are on the rise, is that right? Yes, although why is unclear? Some say it's because of one fucking reason, others say it's because of some other fucking reason. I talked to this random expert on the subject who told me this thing you're about to hear him say, ran after he points at a piece of paper. I feel 24 hours of programming. Here's some...