FLAT EARTH ROCKET SCIENTIST MAD MIKE ON TOSH.O

Video Transcript:

I believe the world is a different shape than what we were taught in those programming centers, which is called public school systems. Now the edge, which keeps all the oceans in, is 150 foot ice wall, which is Antarctica. Now yesterday, the sun and the moon was in the sky at the same time, which is not possible, and I believe, want to glow. Oh, my God. Oh, we should be dear. Yeah, we should be dear. Yeah, we should be dear. Smart enough to build a missile from scratch, yet stupid enough to climb inside. My kind of crazy. That's Mad Mike, and he attempted to challenge himself into space with absolutely zero clearance to do so, to see if the Earth was flat with zone two eyes. Twice. Flat Earth, there's doubt that the Earth revolves around a star on the galaxy with a thousand light years wide, which has been traveling at 242 miles per second for 13 billion years. Okay, fine. I'm starting to see their point. As we all know, scientific facts are completely debatable. If science is so smart, how come it still hasn't beaten cancer? Or the hiccups? The only thing it's ever done is make that milk kiley look reasonably hot. People who don't trust science are the backbone of this country. Mad Mike doesn't run computer simulations or do math like some pussy. He boldly went where everyone that can afford a plane ticket has gone before. It's the coolest, most dangerous thing I've seen in 10 years of doing this show, which is why I launched that DIY astronaut to planet Hollywood for this week's So Weaponry Profile. Hey, Mike. Get over here, you little lunatic. Daniel, this looks nothing like your show on TV. That's the game here in Hollywood. It's all fake. Some of the biggest hoaxes in history were shot on this stage. Game of Thrones, the assassination of JFK, Ben Ghazi. I knew it. What about 9-11? No, that wasn't us. Okay. Believe it was shot up in Vancouver. Now, how old are you, man? 62. And how many times have you climbed inside of a rocket? Two. And I'm the only guy in history to design, build, and then launch them seven of his own rocket. Are you legally allowed to leave Earth? You know, you'd plan to keep it to FAA and whatever else. But, you know, I'm not to that point yet. Where it's a $2 million venture to get me to space. How much have you raised so far? I think I got about $87 in my pocket. So it's going a little slow. Do they find you? Are you allowed? You're not allowed to launch a rocket. They don't want me launching it from my backyard. They want people a quarter mile away from it. They want the airport notified. And you notify the airport. You do all of that. Usually? Have you been a risk-taker your entire life? Well, I've been married a couple of times. I don't know. A day to a couple of women that's probably pretty questionable morals. When I used to pick up women in clubs, I used to use Neuralin Wistics. She was just studying iPatter's and Body movements. I would use that. But I would use the GUI theory. And that is go ugly early. You don't have to buy many drinks. You always get laid by 10 o'clock that night. You can go back on again. I'm not safe. It's going to work for everybody. No, no, no, but that's a solid theory. More bang for your buck. I used to have a bad problem. I used to pick up women. I would like when it's a state-byte of ride on them with a permanent magic marker. Uh-huh. They couldn't know it to the got home the next day. Taking a shower looking. Hey, what's going back there? That doesn't seem like a hobby as much as it does assault. What's the game plan? You're planning to get to the apex of the height and then just eyeball it out the window. You're like, oh, yeah, the earth is round. And then come back down. I never said that I was going to try to prove the flat earth at 1,800 feet. I mean, that's goof. Even that's goofy in my books, OK? OK. It was just supposed to raise awareness to get me to space to prove what shaped this plan it is. I believe it's stationary, motionless, and I believe it is flat. I believe you don't believe that. And you just want a free trip to space. A lot of people think that, you know? Uh-huh. But I believe that my first wife also, so I don't know. If I had her here right now, would she be shocked that you're shooting yourself into space or would she say, ah, that's about right? I'd like to see her tits again. They were incredible. Oh, you know, they weren't incredible. Listen, nothing's better than history. Nothing's better than history. Yeah. The thing is, everything has an expiration date. And once the gravy train has been formed, OK? I mean, man, you know how long I've been doing this show? 10 years. Chew-chew. Yeah, I know, man. If you've probably got direct deposit, though, so you don't even get the kitchen. Direct deposit, really convenient, though. You don't like that I don't trust banks. You don't trust banks? Oh, no, no. Where do you want me to put my money? I'm being honest. I would think putting a madmock in space for $2 million. You better make that mother-f**k her a two-seater. And I want to sit in front. And I don't want to sit behind you. Because I don't want the last thing of us going into Earth is me penetrating through you. Yeah. I don't even like the thought of that. I made a globe. I think you'll like it. OK. It's 100% accurate. I'm still working out some of the kinks. The obvious problem, that's when an axis. And this world is not on an axis. But how else am I going to get it to success? You know what? I think I'm trying to get the edges. That's probably not to scale either. No, this is to scale. It is to scale. Well, at least I printed it out. Do you believe in gravity? No. I don't believe in gravity. If we live on a globe, those poor people in Australia are hanging upside down and gravity's holding all this water. Some people believe in a globe or telling me now, there's no up and down on a globe. There's up and down when I'm with my girlfriend. You know what I mean? Always back to the thrusting. I'm sorry. That's part of my life. What would it take for me to convince you that the world is round? I don't believe anyone convinced me the world is round because they have no proof. I can believe in the Easter Bunny if I want to. No, you can't. Not a piss-a. I can't. OK, that's silly. Well, you ever seen the Queen of England? Not in person. OK. Then does she exist? I don't know. You ever seen Grandma porn? I've never seen it, but I know it exists. I actually want to watch it, but I don't want to look it up on my computer. I bet you've never seen the face of a sexually satisfied woman. Burn! LAUGHTER All right. All right. Do you call round-earthers, globetards? No. Here's the thing. In our lives, we need to quit fighting with each other because that's what the government and everything when they want us all fighting about. You know, what sports team do you like? Are you public and are you Democrat? Are you Pepsi or Diet Pepsi? Wait, wait, wait. Nobody's fighting over Pepsi or Diet Pepsi. Maybe. No, I'm a Sam's colo guy myself. Really? Bulk's nasty. You got to save money. OK, then go get a $20 hooker. I'm just saying. If you want to save money, go to Vegas with our... And actually, they're putt cheap for their money morning. What's the cheapest hooker you've ever slept with? I'm not saying either way. That's OK. That's your business, but I respect it. I spent $500 for a hand job in Vegas once. Oh, it's horrible. My brother said he needed the money. Man, Mike, you done? Oh, f***, that was funny. Turns out you don't need to be a rocket scientist to build a rocket. Technically, mine is just a firework that you can ride and a little worried about the report. I don't see any safety equipment, you know, and I'm all about safety. That's pretty evident, right? Because I want to live through this thing, OK? I want to see my cats grow up and you don't see the grain kid and stuff like that. OK, that's weird. Are you doing any modifications to the rocket? How different is the next rocket going to be? Either will it be bigger? And keep asking me, it's getting bigger. I don't. No, I'm not going to answer that question anymore. OK. Probably will be. Mike, you're probably thinking I'm going to help you with your rocket. But going up isn't the way you prove the Earth is flat. It's going down. See, the Earth is only two to three feet deep in any particular place. So you're telling me you find a spot, three foot deep. Two to three feet. OK. Easy. I train Elon Musk for second ambient for this drill. Hi, there we go. There we go. Now grab my ankles and let's see what's down there. Ah, it's space, all right. Crawl space. It was ratchet everywhere. Well, kiss my tank. That's all the proof I need. Smells like Satan's jacks jack down here. Pull me up. I was not expecting that guy to be so horny in this current climate. Maybe it's a good time for him to leave the planet.