What Big Pharma is Like Now

Video Transcript:

Damn it! If I'd earn a sales, I'd be down! Why the hell aren't people buying these booster life jackets every three months like we want them to? Sir, our marketing analysis shows that people's trust in us is down. Why wouldn't they be trusting us anymore? We're seeing they don't have full faith in our product anymore, sir. But that doesn't make any sense. We put in a little bit of time and effort rushing to create the perfect flotation device formula to claim our market share. Is it the perfect formula? Don't be silly. The formula fits perfectly into our marketing plan. But there's more, sir. Surveys are showing the public is concerned. Concerned about what? Side effects. That's ludicrous. We put gag orders on all the side effects. So there are none. Actually, there's a whole stack of them here and some of these are really quite concerning. Some people are drowning because of the life jackets. They're finding concrete in some of them. There's actually a really big list. Johnson, why don't you shove those up your ass sideways and leave them up there for 75 years. We need a new plan to create more demand to get people regularly buying these things or else we're never going to meet our financial projections. We need repeat buyers. You mean a new plan to educate the public on the only safe and effective way to protect themselves and stop the transmission of drowning? Yes, of course. That's exactly what I meant. But we never tested to see if they actually stop drownings. Testing isn't part of how the speed of science works. These things definitely work. But one of our executives admitted we didn't do the testing. Well, I don't think we'll be seeing her anymore. What happened to her? A bit of an extended vacation. Okay, but, sir, I think you're suggesting that we continue lying. That's what got us into this hole in the first. Shut up with your anti-science quacker, you imbecil. And listen to the doctor. Actually, I'm not a doctor. I just got this off Amazon. Thank you, doctor. What if? What? Sir, do you remember the opioid epidemic that we're still in? How could I forget? It's been our most profitable epidemic yet. Exactly. So, do you remember how we got people to continuously buy the product by making them addicted to it? Go on. Well, what if we put some of those same addictive ingredients into our life jackets? We'd be getting them addicted to our life jackets to increase compliance in getting them to take what they don't want to take. They keep buying them over and over again. They wouldn't be able to help themselves. That sounds great. There's no downside. Wait. What? Scientifically speaking, it sounds like that being everyone's best interest. How would it help anyone? Our data shows that addiction creates reoccurring customers which will help bolster our revenue dramatically. I like this plan. I don't think that's legal. It's better than legal. It's science. But the Flotation Device Administration is never going to approve this. Ah, you're good. I think we should go with this plan, sir. Let's do it. Wait, just a minute. You're wanting to make life jackets as addictive as we made opioids? Exactly. I'm glad you comprehend the plan so well, Johnson. But those didn't help people. They destroyed lives and families. Put the plan into action. Sir, I can't let you go through with this. I'll have no choice but to report you into the company. You know what? You're right. Gosh. For a second there, I got so carried away with the money, I was about to approve the worst decision of my career. And the innocent lives that would have been harmed, I just wouldn't have been able to live with myself. What was that? This sound of a problem being solved. Nobody likes problems, sir. Cleetus, go to work making this improve formula and bury everything that needs to be forgotten. Right away, sir. I'll begin a new aggressive media push that smears anyone who doesn't go along with her criminal commerce of life jackets into looking like a dangerous degenerate moron. Very good. We've got ourselves and even safer and more effective product than before. Hey, I want to let you know currently in my freedom shop, I've got my business. My biggest sale of the entire year going on now for Black Friday. We've got some of the best selling all time designs on massive discount. You'll find all the new designs. And here's what you want to know. If you've been wanting to load up on Freedom Merch now is the best time. And also, science has proven that the Freedom Merch makes excellent gifts for not only yourself, but also all your freedom loving friends. But it actually makes the best gift for all your liberal friends. You can just go to AwakenWithJP.com slash Black Friday or hit the link below and start taking advantage of the biggest sale of the year. Stay free, my friend. 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