Inside the Nuclear Suitcase!!! TOP SECRET

Video Transcript:

You've probably heard about the top secret that the nuclear suitcase, the football, that follows the president all around wherever he goes. He wants the nuclear missiles. Well, Donald Trump had a few extra beads laying around. So when I was down there at Mar-a-Largo, he gave me one of them. So now we're going to see what's inside of this top secret nuclear suitcase. In this exciting... There we go. Of course we got the red telephone. We always have to have the red telephone, right? Ooh, touch tone even. Here's our red telephone. Then we got... Oh, it's hell with this. Let's see what this is. Oh, wow. Look at that, man. Let's see. This must be the one switch. Yeah, it looks like... Oh, looks like we got the alphabet. See, I wonder how we use this thing. The alphabet numbers on it. Touch your leafstart book with your stylus to begin playing. Oh, oh, hey. It's talking to us. It's talking to us. G-O-N-B-K-R-T-N-2-Forn. Hey, look at that, man. I think I just blew up some audio. Well, maybe nobody will notice. Hey, did you hear about that big crowd of people that was in Moscow a few weeks ago? They was what? And Putin, T'Nuke, Washington, D.C. Isn't that crazy? Why would Putin want to do us a favor? What was that? Oh, and then, you know, when the president hears... When the president hears that the resident bombers are coming, he might poop his pants. So we got this roll of toilet paper. You know, there, for the bread. Oh, oh, it looks like something's inside here. Let's see. Top secret nuclear launch code for the total elimination of all life on Earth. Wow, look at that, man. We hit a jet butt. The total elimination of all life on Earth, man. Let's open up and see. Hold up. As security envelope. Wow. How interesting. Hey, I know this song. I know this song. Beachwood 45789. And you can call me up and have a blast any old time. Hey, let's try it. Let's try it. Beach. Beach. Beach. W. Oh, oh, D. 45789. There we go. Well, goodbye, friends. It's been nice knowing you.