World War H - The Final Solution

Video Transcript:

Alright, this time it's me and Kenny versus you two assos. Fine. Oh, dude, what's with all the homeless people? Sir, could you move a little please? Spare some change. Ah, daddy smells like Kenny's house. Get out of here! You guys, that's not cool. These people have nowhere to go. They don't have food or shelter. We have to do something. Well, dude, what are we supposed to do? Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. No, Kyle's right, you guys. We should do something. Really? Yeah, I know what you're thinking, Kyle, and I'm with you. I know exactly what we should do. Get around! It witness the glorious Eric Harlan attempting to jump his skateboard over the homeless! Thank you! Thank you! You're all ready? Yeah, it's all set. He won't make it. Excuse me! This isn't exactly what I had in mind! Alright, here we go! Jimmy! Oh! Oh! Yes! I did it! I jumped over the homeless! Yes! That was a sweet idea, Kyle. Goddamn it, that wasn't my idea! Alright, people, we need to come up with answers. They're a homeless sprouting up all over town. What are we supposed to do? Well, I-I sort of had an idea. Please, Mr. Vollmer. We need to go to the hospital. I-I sort of had an idea. Please, Mr. Vollmer. We could give the homeless all designer sleeping bags and makeovers. At least that way they'd be pleasant to look at. Oh, that's good. I like that. Well, I was thinking we could turn the homeless into tires so that we'd still have homeless but we could use them on our cars. Oh, that's a good one. Good one, Randy. Like it. That's like recycling. Alright, enough! I find this whole conversation to be extremely offensive! The homeless aren't monsters. They are people like you and me! You mean they've adapted? Copy our DNA. Excuse me! I am the top researcher of homeless studies for park counting. I don't know why more homeless people are showing up in town, but I do know that we must be extremely careful. If we give them anything, there could be more. Hi. I've been saving up for a new Xbox game, but I think you could use the money a lot more than I could. Listen, I want you to take this. It's $20. Guy Neymar? No, that's... I thought that was a good idea. I thought that was a good idea. I thought that was a good idea. I thought that was a good idea. No, that's... I thought that was a lot. Sparry change! You're welcome. Oh crap! Oh crap! Dude, what are all these homeless people doing in front of your house? I don't know. There's a bunch outside of my house, too. Sparry change, sir? No, f*** off! I don't get it. My dad said as long as nobody gave the money they'd move on. He did? Well, this is bull crap. Somebody has to be responsible. Well, I kind of gave a homeless guy $20 last night. You what? Come on, that can't be why they're all here. There has to be another reason. Kyle, what were you thinking? Yeah, I can't possibly jump this many homeless people. I won't risk it! I could jump two homeless people, maybe three. But ask me to jump this many? Is ask me to risk my life, Kyle. I don't want you to jump down, retard! Sparry some change? No, sorry, I don't have any change. Got any change? No, sorry. Can you spare some change? Change? Change? Huh? I don't have any change. Change? No! Change! Spare some change. Leave me alone, I don't have any change. All right, God bless you, sir. Oh, no, I feel bad. Here! Ah! Spare some change. I was really all the change I had. Spare some change. I just gave you change. So! Change? Change? Spare some change. Ah! Spare some change. I don't have any more change. Change? Change? I don't have enough less. No! I don't have any change. I don't have any change! Okay, that'll be great. Let's also make sure we have enough chairs in the community center for everyone to attend. Ah! Ah! Stay away! Stay away! Randy! Randy, what happened? I don't have any change. I don't have any change! This is a news-wide special bulletin with Chris Swollenbolts. South Park has become overrun with the homeless. Nearly every square inch of public property is now riddled with homeless, shutting down roadways and making getting around impossible. Many people are trapped throughout the town. Wow! No, oh! Dude, it's our dads! Oh my god. In the meantime, South Park citizens are being advised to stay indoors and protect their change. Spare some change. What the... You can't be in here? You're only change, sir. No, I don't have any change. How do you get in here? Change! Ah, please! I don't have any change. I don't decide, don't. I don't have any... You see what you did, cow? Come on, we have to try and help our stupid parents. Everywhere! What are your boys doing? Get in! Ah! Come on, let's go! What the hell are you doing outside? My parents are stuck on top of the building in town. You aren't getting into town. It's completely overrun with these things. Ah! Ah! No! No, I don't need my windshield cleaned. Stop it! Stop it! Look, our only hope is to talk to the homeless researcher out on Traverse Street. He understands what's going on better than anybody. Just stick with me, kids. Ah! Ah! Ah! Holy s**t, dude! Over here! Jump down, go! Ah, it's got it really smells like Kenny's house down here. Don't stop me from sitting with me! Well, Kenny relax, dude. We need to work together. Come on, we gotta get to that scientist's house. Change! There's some change! No sign of anybody else. That's it. I'm gonna make a break for it. Don't be crazy, Gerald. You'll never get through all those homeless people. And even if you did, what then? You can't drive anywhere. If I can make it through them, maybe I can catch the bus to Fairplie. I have to try. You won't make it through, Gerald! Change! It's been a shame! Change! Change! Change! Change! Change! Change! Change! Huh! Change! Change! Change! Change! Don't have any change. Change! Don't have any change! Don't have any change! Change! Damn it! All right, you want change?! Here! There! There's some change! All right, a little bit. There you go take the change Oh wait wait, I don't have any change left for the bus Hold on could I just get back some of that change please? Could I have just a little change for the bus please I need a little anybody have some change Change god you change What What happened he's become one of them I Don't Go away. I don't have any change are you the head of homeless studies? Yes, who are you we think this may be our friends fault he gave one of the homeless $20 yesterday? Oh my god get in here Tell me what's going on There's a bunch of people trapped in the middle of town surrounded by homeless people. We can't get to them All right, all right look. I didn't want to risk it, but I think I know what to do I'll try to jump all those homeless and get to the people on that roof jump them. I jump the homeless professionally If you can get me a skateboard. I'll try to jump that homeless crowd and save those people Oh shut up carbon all you did was jump over one homeless guy. I easily could have cleared another 30 or 40 You barely made it over one fat ass Kyle enough Cartman jumping more homeless people isn't gonna solve anything right now god damn it. I don't what have to jump over more I'm ice boys. I don't think you'd quite understand how the homeless function Perhaps you should come downstairs To my laboratory I Will have it it's great. Go away. Anything Stephen. No all the phone lines are completely down Oh It's Steve Garrett from the library, but please let us in Find another place to hide Steve How others with me? We've nowhere else to go one woman here is pregnant Can't just leave them out there. Let us in for god's sake. They're coming. No No, I'm sorry. We don't have any change. You have to let them in Randy There isn't enough food for more people up here. Oh god one of them is a war veteran. We're gonna have to give him some change This isn't Happily all right all right fine Could you spare some change sir? I've dissected several homeless to see what makes them tick their anatomy is shockingly similar to ours See everything is there heart lungs kidneys. They're almost identical to us in every way Except for one Homeless can survive solely on change Change they feed on our change they need it in order to keep them moving is that some spare change somehow They're able to take a change and turn it into nourishment sustenance spare some of that change sir, but now watch Spare some change It is already completely forgotten that I've given it change It just wants more change Look over here This one I've kept deprived of change for over three days Change What's it doing it's dying? Yeah, I've learned that the nearby city of Evergreen had a homeless problem just before we did and they were able to stop it Excuse me the front door was open. Can I borrow some change? Oh my god they're coming in quick kids get out of here you can fit What about you get to Evergreen and find out how they got rid of the homeless I'll be all right Ask that push and kitty hello. I'm sorry. I just really need some change for the bus Change there's some change stop it. I really do need change me too change Change hello do you have any change? Sorry to take the easy way out my god oh Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! It's a little bit of change! No! No! Dammit! That's it! That's it, everyone! We're out of pop-tops. No! We can't meet! Mason, we're gonna starve! No! We're gonna be in the box over here. Oh, they're cherry! Yeah! Wait, I've got a signal. I've got a signal! What? You know what I'm doing? Oh, oh, oh! Call the fire department. I'm calling my wife! Mary! Mary, baby, are you alright? Oh, maybe we're gonna be okay! Asker, what's happening? Mary, what's going on out there? Nobody's coming for us! They what? No! That's impossible! But how can that be? We didn't even... Hello? Mary! Mary! What happened, Glenn? There's no help coming. She said... Because of all the homeless... Because of all the homeless in South Park, property values have plummeted. I had two lanes against my house, and so the bank is for closing! I don't have a home anymore. Mandy, what are you doing? He's homeless now. We aren't safe. I'm not like them! Not yet. It's only a matter of time. And what are you gonna do, huh? Just blow his head off? If we have to, sit down, Glenn. Randy, you can't just sit... ...chair! This is crazy. How can they just take away my house? Why am I supposed to put all my things? I don't have a place for all my stuff. Why am I supposed to put all my stuff? I'll need to pay for storage. Can I borrow some money to put my stuff in storage? Come on, guys. If y'all just help me out a little bit, he's trying to be just put in a little... ...change? Change? What the hell happened here? That's far enough! Just march your butts right back out of our town! We just came to ask a question. You homeless or homeowners? We are nine. Yeah, well that makes you homeless. So get out of here before you die! Look, we just need help with our own homeless problem. Yeah, this Jew here made them take over our town. We're gonna have to go back to our town. We just came to ask a question. You homeless or homeowners? We are nine. Yeah, this Jew here made them take over our town. Shut up, Cartman! Cartman? Eric Cartman? The kid who jumped 30 homeless people on a skateboard? You heard about that? He heard about it. And they said you could have easily cleared 50 homeless with that jump. 30 was hard enough. Oh, God! It wasn't 30! It was one! He jumped over one homeless person with his stupid skateboard and he barely made it over that guy! Kyle, knock it off! We're here to find out how to get rid of the homeless. Not how many homeless Cartman can jump! Please, we just want you to tell us how you got rid of the homeless in your town. Well, that was easy. The homeless first started arriving in Evergreen about three months ago. At first there only a few of them asking for change, sleeping in the parks. But then more showed up. And we realized there was something different about them. They fed off of our change to the point that they could actually start renting apartments. We knew it wouldn't be long before the homeless actually started buying homes. And then we'd have no idea who was homeless and who wasn't. People living in the house right next door to you could be homeless and you wouldn't even know! Nobody could trust anybody. Fight to broke out. War! That's when I started suspecting my own wife, who I'd been living with for 20 years, was actually homeless. So I had to burn her, inner bed while she slept. After she died I vowed I wouldn't let the homeless destroy our town. So we came up with a plan to get rid of them once and for all. You son of a bitch! You didn't solve your homeless problem. You just sent all your homeless to South Park. That's right, yes. What? I knew it! It wasn't because I gave that guy $20. The homeless all came from here. And it was Texas who sent them to us. People in San Antonio got rid of their homeless by telling them what a great place evergreen was. But then you didn't solve the problem, you just moved it. Right. But we survived. DENY! Christine! Yes, son of a bitch! You tried to kill me! I had to Christine, you were homeless! No, I wasn't homeless, I strictly had to! Christine, I can't understand you. Yeah, because you burned my yet sauce! I learned your rip sauce? No, you burnt my yet sauce! I have no idea what you're saying! Oh! Dude, our parents are just as stupid as these people. Our town is gonna end up just like this! No, it isn't. Come on, I have an idea. Oh no, no, we're not having Carmen jump anymore homeless people, Kyle. That isn't my idea! I saw a bus in a garage a couple of blocks back. We need to modify it. What are we gonna do? We're gonna save our parents before they all kill each other. A bus! A bus is coming! It's the boys! They've modified a bus to get us out of here! I knew they'd come back, friends! Oh, right! Yeah! Look, Glenn, we're safe! Why are they turning around? Why are they turning? What are they doing? Don't leave us! All right, hitting. Let's hope to crash this works. California is nice to the homeless. California, you know. Super cool to the homeless. In the city. City of Santa Monica. Lots of many people. Give me change to the homeless. Drunk. In the city. City of Brentwood. They take really good care of all their homeless. Let's go! In the city. We're in a dairy. Let's go to the homeless. Feel the powder burning. They're leading them away. We're gonna be all right. Oh, Glenn, we made it. California. Super cool to the homeless. Change. Got it, sound your gun. Eat now, let's go. In the city. City of Brentwood. Right back in my house. You can chill if you're homeless. Yes! That's three homeless! Sick of that! Yeah! Honestly, I don't know what you see in this guy.