UVALDE: Here’s your video laxative for today: Lying Sandy Hooker~Scarlett Lewis

Video Transcript:

There she is. Oh, man, I apologize. I gather I kept you waiting there on the box where people were so where you were waiting patiently. I'm sorry for that. Well, your team had to walk me through how to get on here. So thank you very much team. Thanks to thanks to everybody for helping scarlet and me who are not as gifted as Maria in almost any respect scarlet has been not made by serving the technology. So scarlet, I know you've been talking to so many different people, but I think this audience in particular is an audience filled with compassion. There's an audience of people who want to make a difference. How are you feeling today? It's almost 10 years since the horrific day when you had to face these kinds of moments. How are you handling the horror of this experience? Physically, it's like a punch in the gut. It is so painful and I double down on my mission. I mean, I know that we can keep our kids safe. I know that that's possible. It has to be our priority. I don't think there's anything more important. And it is it is an enathema. I don't know if that's the right word to me that this is happening. I mean, this Jesse died 10 years ago. And this is still happening. It's just it's mind boggling to me. Yeah. And have you been have you been in conversation with the other parents of your your fellow grieving parents from Sandy hook in these last day or two? What are what are you hearing from them? Heartbreak, heartbreak, just devastation, just you know disbelief. I think it's disbelief that this can still be happening that we haven't been able to keep our kids safe. I mean, that is that is our responsibility. I think that's my message that I've been sharing that that it is. I think maybe that that we're thinking that somebody's going to come in and fix it that there's going to be like a magic wand that's waived or something. I haven't heard of a plan really by our administration. You know, you have we're going to have to do something different doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is insanity. And so, you know, I chose to do something different to him in the very beginning. There was a tremendous amount of pressure to join the gun control movement. And for me, that hadn't worked. You know, with Sandy hook that I had failed at that time. And I thought, you know, I'm not going to. First of all, I don't want to live my life against something. I want to be for something. And and I chose to be for love because of Jesse's chocolate board message. And and and I just wanted to take a different approach, a proactive preventative approach. So tell us a little bit, Scarlett, you and I met because in my background in social and emotional learning, the field, because social and emotional learning. Which by the way used to be called in the very beginning, the field of what we call primary prevention. So it was originally classified as a field that was trying to prevent problems before they occur. What can we teach children that prevents the outcomes, the negative outcomes, behavioral challenges, violence, unwanted use of drugs and alcohol and things like that. We teach children that prevents problems. We got rid of the language primary prevention because it sounds kind of weird and not really clear. So we we change the language to the field of social and emotional learning. You have become one of the leading voices for social and emotional learning in our country. Tell us a little bit about the choose love movement that Jesse inspired and that you've now led in so many different states and school districts around the country. Well, so so just the left a message on our kitchen chalkboard. I came home. He had written three words on our kitchen chalkboard. I have to say the origin, nurturing healing love. And I was just struck. I was like, oh my gosh, if the shooter had been able to give and receive nurturing healing love, the tragedy would never have happened. It was like so simple. And so I went to somebody introduced me to a doctoral professor. I brought the message to him. And he did some research. He said these three words are in the definition of compassion across all cultures. And I said, well, you know what? I believe that I've been given a purpose. I think that my purpose on earth is to spread this message. How do I get it like the first place I want to get it into his schools. And he said it's called social emotional learning. So I looked it up. I never heard of it before. And really, I mean, I'm getting goosebumps right now. I realized I don't have these skills and tools. I don't know. I don't have a lot of this myself. And so I thought this is this is it. This is the solution. So literally my next move was to go to the curriculum director at Sandy Hook. And this was very shortly after the tragedy. And I was like breathless. And I said, I have never heard of this thing called social emotional learning. And she goes, yeah. And I said, well, what happened? I mean, is it is it implemented in school? And so she was kind of detailing the issues that they had getting it in. They spent a lot of money on a program. They couldn't afford to train the teachers. And so I said, it never got out of the box. That like branded in my brain. And I said, OK, we need to create a program that has an emotional connection that gets out of the box that's going to help the teachers that doesn't require teacher training. You know, all of these things are surveying teachers. Why isn't this in every single school? I mean, I realized 10 years ago, maybe five years ago, that this was in less than 10% of schools. And it's so necessary. I mean, this is this is I'm absolutely, as you know, because we've been to the White House 100% passionate about it. And so I, I with along with educators, social workers, school counselors, doctoral professors, psychiatrist, psychologist is a whole host of people created a program and it's life span. And it's based on Jesse's message of nurturing healing love, but it's a powerful formula that enables you to thoughtfully respond in any situation by choosing love. And of course, the opposite of love is fear, hatred. And so we launched this program about five or six years ago. And it's been it's gone viral. And it's been about 10,000 schools that's conservative and 120 countries. All that word of mouth and referral. You know, one of the things I want to share with our audience today, Scarlett is, you know, you said you got goosebumps when you started to describe your own willingness. You didn't have the training necessarily. You didn't have a degree in social and emotional learning, but you had the passion. And this is a moment where I hope every American has passion for making a difference, right? Every American, I don't care whether you're a Republican or a Democrat, I don't care whether you're young or old. Everyone can take action now. We don't have to wait for, I mean, I know we need political action and God willing, maybe someday we'll get political leaders with enough courage to cross the divides. By God, people are protecting their party and sacrificing children. It's you know what I said to him. It's like it's like they're back both sides backyard bullies that are slugging it out. Meanwhile, our children are dying. And I think what the message is now is that we can't wait for our politicians. We have to take responsibility. Like no one's going to come in and wave a magic wand. There is no pill that we can take that's going to fix this. It's going to take every single one of us taking personal responsibility. I mean, that's what I did 10 years ago. Like I saw, you know, what I saw was a lot of blame finger pointing and fault finding and honestly this is going to be hard to hear, especially on the heels of having a lot, you know, just having had another horrible tragedy. But I saw I saw so much blame being put on the shooter and his mom and it was kind of like case closed, right. It's his fault and and that's it. And I thought, wait a minute, wait a minute. It just didn't make sense to me. If it was all this is Adam Lanza, if it was all Adam Lanza's fault and his mom, forgiving him access to the guns, then it would never have happened before. This was my thought process. And it would never happen again, right. It would be case closed his fault. But wait a minute. It had happened before. And of course, it's happened over 350 times since that can't be Adam Lanza's soul fault. I mean, guess is he responsible 100%. But and it was fueled by hate. But here's the thing. I heard I heard governor Abbott make a comment yesterday during his news briefing. And I think one of the reporters asked him, do you think this is sheer evil. And governor Abbott said, yeah, I think it's sheer evil. And you know what? I think that I feel like that's a cop out because no one's born evil. Right. He I mean, you look at these stories and their heartbreaking. He had a list. He was bullied. I mean, I already knew in my mind the classic scenario that probably went on. And he was in pain. He did not know how to handle his hurt and pain. And it produced rage. I mean, it's the same story over and over. He couldn't manage his emotions. He didn't know what to do with them. And then it becomes suicidal. We're watching our kids have suicidal ideation and attempts. They are they're just packed in waiting rooms. I've talked to one doctor the other day, who's a psychiatrist. He said that kids in his hospital has been in the emergency room with suicidal ideation and attempts since March. And people can't get appointments because doctors are full. They're not even taking new appointments or there's a three to six month waiting list. And that's because these kids for the most part can't manage their emotions and and and things are happening. I mean, let's think about it. We have this cell phone right now. It's in all of our hands and pockets. We have front row tickets to the worst of humanity. And think about how traumatizing it is for you, Tim, to watch images over in the Ukraine of mass graves and you know we're all seeing this stuff is hard for adults. Think about how it is for kids. How do you process all of that as a child? There and one more thing I'll say in 1998. There was research that that showed that this is 1998 is when I bought my farm. And so I know it's like over 20 years ago that by the time a child graduates from high school. I'm sorry, I'm sorry elementary school fifth grade. They would have seen 8,000 violent killings. And by the time they're 18 over 250 acts of violence. This was over 20 years ago. This was before cell phones were just a common part of life and the computer and screens were such a big deal. I mean, I can't even find the updated statistic on what our kids are seeing. I don't think they want us to know. But I do know that it's overload. And if we're going to do this, if our kids are going to see all of this, we are, it is our duty to give them the essential life skills. That's what I call it that they need in order to manage. We know that they're a direct path to flourishing and it is, it's our responsibility. If our government, if our government isn't going to take it, then each of us have to make sure that our kids have it. So Scarlett, I think, you know, your determination and your passion are just making me fired up, but let's just share with the group we've got here because it's important. And this is a, you know, this is an important community. This is a very powerful community because these are people that care when you have people that care that's power. You know, you and I talked yesterday, there are things people can do. I was thinking after we spoke, you know, there's that message in airports. If you see something, say something. I think one of the challenges is for each of us, as you point out, people could have seen this young man. We all have seen children who are bullied. We all have seen children who get left out. We all have seen children who are lonely. We all have seen children who are disengaging. And, you know, the only person that can really help a 14 year old is disengaging is another 14 year old or the parent of a 14 year old who can encourage their child to reach out to that other 14 year old. It's not going to be a senator or a congressperson or a president or a mayor. It's going to be a 14 year old. It's going to be a mom, a dad, a teacher. We challenge each other right now. Like right now, there's someone in this name in the community of people on this call. There are people we know who are hurting today and loneliness and despair of that child who's hurting today should be enough to motivate us. But if it isn't enough, let's remember they are at risk of becoming violent and hurting themselves and others. If we, but try our little in our little ways to reach out, I think it's one step we can each take everyone can send a text, an email, a phone call, a reach, a bulletin post something to the person you know is lonely today. It just seems to me like a small step. If you see something, don't just say something, do something. Yes, yes, yes, yes, we all know someone that's lonely. We all know someone that's struggling. I mean no longer can you stay? I have to admit before Sandy Hook, I would see the headlines and I would say obviously that's so horrible. But there's nothing I can do. It's just terrible, but I felt helpless. But we've got to get out of that because we're all in this together. I can't say that's never going to happen to me because if you don't know a parent that lost a child, you know someone that's struggling with addiction. You, you know someone that has a mental illness, you know someone reach out to them. Make sure they know they're not alone because it's. So let's, so let's, but I just because I'm concerned about making sure people get the second, what I think is the second message which you've already given us, which is we have great social and emotional learning programs. And I'm just going to name this now because right now for the first time in the last year, they have become under attack by political forces. I'm going to say this not to be partisan, but by political forces trying to use social and emotional learning to advance a political agenda, not to hurt or affect kids, but to advance a political agenda. I'm hoping that people on this call, I doesn't matter whether you're a Republican or a Democrat or an independent, whether you're from a red state or a blue state or a purple state, I could care less. Challenge and remind and advocate for social and emotional learning programs in our children's schools. It's outrageous that we have research tested evidence based teacher friendly training programs for kids, for whole school communities that engage adults and changing the way they see kids and giving them practical skills to help children manage their feelings and build. And they produce better school outcomes that grades go up and we're fighting over this at a time when our children are suffering. So immeasurably we're challenging and denying them the chance to get the programming and the support than the teachers the support they need. It's just not right. So I'm asking people I'm pleading with you it's not complicated social and emotional learning scarlet program choose love. Call your superintendents office leave a message on the voicemail I want my whether your kids in school or not call the superintendent where you live and say I'm calling to say I hope our school districts I'm a taxpayer I live in this district I grew up in this place wherever it is you live. And say please put social emotional learning our children and our teachers are desperate for it. Yeah it's amazing because there's science behind it it's proven it is not political it's it's proven and and when when schools adopt this the kids get better grades and test scores I mean that's one of the excuses not to do it well there's academics there and one of the things that you know we learned him when we worked. In in in Washington DC is that there's there's kind of this thing about the word emotional some people don't like that and and it's I mean the fact that the fact that people are trying to make this political is ridiculous there's science behind it it works we know that social emotional learning produced is better human beings. Schools you know the other the other argument is that you know schools are for academics and parents are the ones that should teach these skills and tools and let me talk about that because that's an argument against S.L. A parent should be teaching this schools are for academics well I will admit that when I looked through what S.L. was I didn't have those skills and tools and my parents were you know they were good parents they didn't have them they couldn't give me what they didn't have and so now and I didn't learn them at school I didn't learn them at work I got to be an adult without social and emotional intelligence or competence coping skills. And so you know it's we know that we know now obviously look at the state of the world look at our children we know now that that best case scenario that parents have it and they're teaching kids we know that it has to be reinforced and practice and this is also what I learned about social emotional learning it's like not just having it up here. This is this beautiful thing that it gives us the opportunity to practice our skills and tools every day so it's something that we incorporate and it's not just for kids it's for adults too that's why the choose love movement started in schools by the way daycare pre K all the way through 12th grade there's comprehensive year long programming on there it is free slides involved teachers on here it's all free. But one of the things that you're bringing up here is that this is these programs are great for parents too now one of the skills that many social and emotional learning programs promote as a systems wide issue is what the skill we call help seeking. It's proven to be one of the most important skills we have as human beings to prevent real disaster that when we know we recognize and we understand when we're in trouble and instead of locking up when we're in trouble and instead of running when we're in trouble instead of hiding and being ashamed of ourselves and we're in trouble we seek help. We can teach this is to your point most parents never learned that skill my parents didn't teach me that skill in fact I love my parents my fantastic parents but I think I got the impression that if I needed to seek help that was a sign of weakness and what we teach kids is when you need help the sign of strength is to go get it. Yes, I'm a sign of strength and this young man I mean of course we don't know all the details here but it seems like when he got in trouble when he started to find himself at risk when he started to isolate it seems like that's a skill he didn't have now I'm sure there are complicated factors when someone does something as horrific as this this is not just a simple mistake this is a profound mental illness I'm sorry to say but even serious mental illness can be a addressed much more effectively if people seek help when they needed at the beginning and so these are skills that are not you know we teach self regulation skills you know you and I have taught these skills just in even in workshops how do you take a deep breath when you're getting agitated when you're feeling hostile when you're feeling threatened when you're feeling shame not to get rid of the anger but so you can channel it all of these are wildly helpful skills for our kids and for the parents too I think and you're you know if if the only lesson anybody ever learned was when in doubt when you've got options choose love what a different world we would have this is such practical stuff and I hope people people hearing this will hear it maybe they're hearing it for the first time maybe your experts it doesn't matter we've got to have a renewal right now it shouldn't take this by the way it shouldn't we should know that we have carnage all every day in our cities in America we have moms and dads bearing their children every single day in this country because of gun violence because of addiction because of drunk drunk people driving and these kinds of things our young people are in pain all over the country it shouldn't take the loss of 19 20 21 lives it shouldn't take the loss of one life it shouldn't take any more than that to remind us that this is a point of urgency like you said in the beginning I mean if we're not protecting our children if we're not willing to ask for our children if we're not willing to give up our party affiliation for our children I mean yeah can I lose you looks like I lost Scarlett or either that or Scarlett lost me I lost Scarlett I hope she comes back but in the meantime I want to thank all of you for joining I want to leave you with one last thought here this is a time for us to take care of ourselves yes to take care of those who need us yes to advocate for change but also to take care of ourselves and I'm going to throw out one thought it may be that no one on this call knows anyone who owns an assault rifle but maybe you do I don't want to wait for a piece of legislation to pass I don't want to wait for people to get indignant about protecting their firearms I don't want to wait for people to get indignant about people who are trying to protect their firearms why can't we invite why can't we ask people who own these assault rifles to voluntarily give them up as a gesture of love and compassion not because they have to not because the state wants it from them but just because these lives should not have been given and what we want to do is not be able to take care of themselves and maybe we take our efforts around the country and we just invite people maybe I'm crazy is this naive to say this but if you own or if you know someone who owns one of these guns it's not a hunting gun it's not a self protection gun it's a it's a it's a violent mass killing machine and it's been used one too many times maybe we voluntarily yes maybe it's unilateral surrender but what a beautiful sight it would be to see men and women who might have defended their right to own the gun to voluntarily give it up I hope I'm not crazy I hope Americans still have it in them the love the commit to each other to take some drastic action so to summarize Scarlet's message she acted when she felt she had to act she acted to promote and to reach out not to criticize the person who took her own son's life but to challenge all of us to be better she acts now for and with all of us asking us to reach out to those who need to advocate for programs for children and teachers and whole systems of change and she's asked us I believe also to voluntarily choose to not be violent in any way but instead to choose love and maybe that means some sacrifice for all of us I hope so so to Maria to Scarlet to all of you who have joined thank you for being a part of our conversation today we we close with choosing love Scarlet's message to all of us Jesse or our little boy who will be gone from us in this dimension of reality for 10 years this December these new lives lost to each of them to their families maybe our last word here is just one of prayer silence the face of the mystery of life pain of death and the hope for redemption transformation and healing for all of us T