The Canadian Conspiracy (1985) - for Suzicreamcheez

Video Transcript:

The following program was produced by the American News Network for its cable subscribers in the United States. Due to the severity of the accusations made in this program, CBC television feels that Canadians should be made aware of its content. We will therefore broadcast the program in its entirety. In 1952, Rollo Martins, a junior clerk with US Immigration uncovered a foreign conspiracy aimed straight at the heart of America. We're off against an organization. So ruthless and so powerful, it's a wonder we're still allowed to talk about it. What have you found? The scurried a mystery involving international spies who will stop at nothing. But America wouldn't listen. For 34 years, Rollo Martins pursued his investigation. Today, he has arrived at this astonishing conclusion. We're off against an organization. So ruthless. So powerful, it's a wonder we're still allowed to talk about it. Rollo Martins, the first American victim of the Canadian conspiracy. You're set? Yeah. All right, here we go. So little snowboard takes you with you and you go. To that land, our gentle breeze is where the peaceful waters flow. Tonight, we will prove that these performers have been trained by the Canadian government to infiltrate and take over the American entertainment industry. We'll examine the careers of these people and the profound effect each has had on the minds of unsuspecting Americans. Finally, we will confront these so-called entertainers with documented evidence of their direct involvement with the Canadian conspiracy. There is not and never has been a conspiracy of Canadian entertainers looking at America. Just turn it off. I don't want it, you know. I know absolutely nothing about any conspiracy. You told me this was an in-depth interview. How could you be so shallow? You'll put it on the air, put it on the air, put this on the air. How's that? Can you use that? Good evening, I'm Edwin Newman. The American News Network has asked me to introduce tonight's special edition. In my years, decades really as a television journalist, I can honestly say I have never encountered a story quite like this one. After two years of exhaustive research in-depth interviews and around the clock analysis, the American News Network team has produced a report with such far-reaching implications that it could affect the future of every American. You'll hear language tonight you may not like. You will see images you may find upsetting. Your discretion is strongly advised. For the past two years, the American News Network has crisscrossed the continent, tracking down suspected members of the Canadian conspiracy. Despite the obvious danger, our cameras work day and night, stalking hundreds of suspects and recording their illicit activities. Patiently, we waited and watched. Mr. Thick, Alan, can you answer a few questions? At first, we tried to be reasonable. But without exception, not one Canadian would cooperate with our investigation. One question please. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm trying to get all of them in. Do you know anything about the Canadian conspiracy? There's no such thing as conspiracy. I'm trying to follow those questions. The questions were direct. Who is that woman? Is she Canadian too? The response became predictable. Again and again, our news crew had tried to break through an impenetrable wall of silence. Finally, just a few days before this broadcast, the wall began to crumble. The sudden inside this motel is the man who made tonight's story possible. A&N cameras were rolling while this man exposed his government's plot to conquer America. This man is a Canadian. Look, I'm not saying that all Canadians are involved. This man is in fear for his life. And I'm not saying that all Canadians are not involved. It depends on your point of view. Eugene Levy, Alias, Stan Schmengy, Bobby Bitman, Earl Cannon Bear, indoctrinated at Beckmastor University, operated out of second city television, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, and most recently Schmengy Productions. Eugene Levy? I don't know anybody named Eugene Levy. Eugene Levy? No. I don't know Eugene Levy at all. Can he say he doesn't know him? That's good enough for me. I don't know him either. Sorry, pal. For three long days and nights, Eugene Levy testified against the Canadian conspiracy. In return for this exclusive interview, Levy demanded police protection, full amnesty from prosecution, and a five-picture deal with a major Hollywood studio. You're talking a massive, tightly knit organization here. From the moment you enlist, they control every aspect, every detail of your career, your clothes, where you sleep, your choice of limo, who you take a lunch with. It's impressive. Since the turn of the century, Canadian show business hopefuls have been flocking south to America. At first they worked alone or in small groups, unwittingly laying the foundation for what would become a secret entertainment empire. And these foreigners would have easily blended into our culture. If it had not been for their fanatical sense of national identity, they were particularly sensitive to any insinuation that Canada had less than ideal climatic conditions. A case in point, Max Senate, creator of the Keystone Cops, once known as a King of Comedy. The year 1928, Senate, always on the lookout for New Talent, discovers Skippy Lennox, a young Vodville comedian, and signs him immediately. The first day on the set, Max Senate and Skippy Lennox engage in a heated debate over Canada's weather. Senate boasts that unlike California, his homeland has four distinct seasons. Lennox argues that Canada has only two distinct seasons, Winter and July. That same afternoon, Skippy Lennox is asked to perform a new scene in the film, Here comes the plumber. It has nothing to do with plumbing. It calls for Skippy to jump off a 1,200 foot clip, strapped to the legs of a giant stuffed Balkan. The scene was written by Max Senate himself. Skippy Lennox, the first American to learn a lesson about Canada's weather, the hard way, he would not be the last. It can really drive you nuts. Americans turning up in the middle of July, wearing fur coats and snowshoes, you know? Sorry, Canadians take that very, very personally. Yeah, okay, so we get a little snow. The year is 1948. President Harry Truman meets with Prime Minister William Lyon McKenzie King of Canada. It was this fateful encounter that would spark the Canadian conspiracy. Truman innocently tells the old joke about a Canadian ice fisherman who caught 40 pounds of ice. To Harry Truman, it was just a silly joke. To McKenzie King, war. He returns to Ottawa, the capital city of Canada, and calls an emergency summer session with his government. For weeks, the Prime Minister consults with his inner cabinet, and behind closed doors, McKenzie King vows revenge against all Americans. It was in this series of top secret meetings that King would finalize his plan to bring America to its knees. We talked to one man who attended the meetings in 1948. He retired in 1950 after the Canadian public rejected his national referendum to change the name of Canada to Quebec. Today, he lives in Miami, waiting for his country to apologize. McKenzie King was very angry with Harry Truman. The nation's honor had been garnished. He had a plan anyway. He was going to bring all those Canadian movie people back to Canada and leave the entire American entertainment business up the creek without a pillow. So to speak. The major story of the week Mary Pickford returns to Canada. America's sweetheart is back home for a short visit with Prime Minister McKenzie King. There Hickick scheduled included a Gallup party at the Royal York Hotel in downtown Toronto. We promised her everything. Money, power, even her own studios. We take a big hole in the ground to put the building in. We even painted a big sign with her name on it and they were not cheap those signs to paint. Oh, oh, oh. But she wanted to work with her Canadian friends and all her Canadian friends were in Hollywood. It seems that not one of the Canadians involved in American show business in 1948 was willing to cooperate with their government and return home. Our researchers unearthed this typical response. From Jack Warner, President of Warner Brothers to King McKenzie Canada. Dear King, stop. If you think I'm coming back to Canada, you can go yourself, stop. Yes, my brothers feel the same way. McKenzie King's plan to deprive America of Hollywood's biggest names had ended at dismal failure. Broken in mind and spirit, the Prime Minister offers to resign. The offer is quickly accepted. His successor, Louis St. Lawrence, claims that he has found a way to settle the score with America. The new Prime Minister sends word to the Canadian security forces who act immediately to carry out his orders. Choose the best, make them better, and ship them south. The target, our whole new sector of the American entertainment industry. Television is sweeping across the nation, and this model of American science is affordable and fun for the entire family. In the comfort of your own home, you can see in here a whole new world, in America that future is today. Louis Sellerah knew somehow that TV was the next big thing. So he decided to change King's plan. Instead of bringing those big Louis stars back from Hollywood, he figured, while not sent some new people down there, people he could trust to break into the TV business and take it over from the inside. Timing was critical to the Canadian government. Television was hungry for new talent. To capitalize on the vulnerability of the new medium, they acted quickly to round up every available recruit. Young would be entertainers, willing to undergo any hardship in return for their government's promise of startup. However, according to one American journalist who was stationed in Canada at the time, not everything was going as planned. Back in 1950, I was a 27-year-old correspondent working in Montreal for NBC News. My contacts indicated a vast recruitment scheme that was like a headless wagon. I mean, no one was running the show. You see, Americans really don't understand Canadians. Well, people are so polite. We're talking in an entirely different culture here. I mean, just picture. No, no, no, you, you, you, you, you, you, the leader. Well, no, no, no, I've had my turn. Please, after you. In a entirely different culture. Within weeks, the word spread out across Canada. We need a leader. The cold rings out across the land. Find us, the man, if there is a German, who can lead his countrymen to fame and fortune. From the last mountain to the deepest valley, wherever he may dwell us. Bring him forward from the place where you may find him. Let him present himself in Ottawa, for his time has come. It is not surprising that the man selected to head up the most dangerous team of entertainers ever assembled was a Canadian radio celebrity known as the voice of doom. At the time, he was a veteran news announcer with the government owned and operated Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC. One, two, three, four. His name, Lorne Green. Just the mere mention of his name sends chills down my spine. I mean, if it weren't for, oh, if it weren't for, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I wouldn't be in the situation. I mean, today, if it weren't for, could you please do me a favor? Don't say it again, you know, without warning me. Shine. Don't go another day without it. I personally am surprised that there is not a church of Lorne Green. I think that Lorne is probably that much of a pedagogue, a patriarch, a monument, a monolith, if you will, of our culture, of our entertainment industry. So I'm surprised there are not certain, like Lorne Green chapels. With Eugene Levy's reluctant cooperation, A.N.N. was able to locate Green's headquarters in the hills overlooking Los Angeles. Our specially equipped surveillance unit was repelled by vicious guard dogs trained to attack on site. We barely evaded detection by a private army of henchmen. Finally, we cut through the security net to capture these exclusive images of Lorne Green. A man whose name spreads terror throughout the rank and file of the Canadian conspiracy. Lorne Green is the voice of God. Lorne Green is a wonderful man. Lorne Green? No, I don't know him. Lorne Green? No connection whatsoever. I don't know the man. I've never met him. The guy father. That's... He's like a guy father to me. To me. Lorne Green, the dawn Cholione of the Canadian conspiracy. In espionage circles, the man whose name is synonymous with politically inspired entertainment sabotage. After repeated refusals, Green finally agreed to talk to ANN in exchange for the following promotional consideration. Now listen, my involvement with the Canadian government was strictly above board. They approached me because so many of our younger people were leaving the country to work in the United States. There was no place in Canada where performers, writers, directors, actors, whatever could learn the craft properly. October 1950, the Canadian government approved the design of a top secret training center for the performing arts. The alphabet, I guess you'd call it a token fee, to head up this training center which they wanted to call the Canadian School of Broadcasting. Well, quite frankly, I couldn't afford to work for the kind of money they were offering. Four months later, it was finished. A multi-million dollar complex ready to house the entire operation. And then I don't know how it came about, but then they offered to call the school, the Lorne Green School of Broadcasting. And there was something interesting about that, so I figured, what the hell? There's no time to hold back for fine weather. School construction is a year-round proposition. We must have new schools, and we must have them now. Good news for all Canadians. This year, Canada's construction industry can look forward to a prolonged working season. The scientists at the National Research Center have discovered that the secret to winter construction lies in raising the ground temperature of the permafrost. Accordingly, these workers maintain small fires wherever they plan to do. These Canadian winters are just too long. They can afford to have it. Ironically, the fire which destroyed the Lorne Green School of Broadcasting in 1952 started at a nearby winter construction site. Today, the Lorne Green School of Broadcasting is preserved as a national monument in honour of its founder. What was it like for the young Canadians selected to train here? Shelley Bloom, a former LG SOB student, agreed to relive the experience. I can remember like it was yesterday. This was the school auditorium where Mr. Green conducted morning assembly. This was the library. Mrs. Robertson, our librarian, used to boast that she had every show business book ever published. For Shelley Bloom, the Lorne Green School of Broadcasting is only a memory now. While her fellow classmates were assigned to Los Angeles in New York, she stayed behind. I really wasn't a very good student. Not compared to people like Raymond Burr. He was a teacher's pet. What is Mr. Green said? The day I plunked my pine also. And I cried my best to live up to these words. Shelley, he said, there are other ways you can still serve your country. In the end, the Lorne Green School of Broadcasting exceeded even the highest expectations of the bureaucrats who created it. This historic site was the launching pad for the first full-scale Canadian attack on the American way of life. Incredible as it may seem. Every one of the following performers got their start at the Lorne Green School of Broadcasting. Kind of a name is dead for a horse. What kind of a name is Wilbur for a man? Fortunately, one of these actors was willing to talk to A&N. Yes, I was in the 1951, the second graduating class of Lorne Green School of Broadcasting. It was a marvelous place to learn the business. No, and it was just absolutely nothing more than that. Yes, such an excellent student at the School of Broadcasting. He was a very good student. He was a bright student. God, we had a lot of fun. He's not a day goes by, but I don't think about the remarkable talents. The people that I went to school with, their names, remembered by everybody. For example, there were those two guys from the Northwest who were there. And were the two guys from the West. When you mention names like Leslie Nielsen, Yvonne de Karlo, Alan Young, Raymond Burr, you were talking about the Mount Rushmore of Canadian entertainment. My mind, you know, there's so many to remember. And of course, there were some that came after my class. I mean, here's a group of people who were brave enough to take on American prime time television and win. There's so many. Just so many. It's been very time. If the Lorne Green School of Broadcasting was kindergarten for Canada's entertainers, then CBC television was grades one through twelve. In 1952, the Canadian government created CBC TV to pick up where the Lorne Green School of Broadcasting left off. With the latest television technology, the CBC quickly became command central for the Canadian conspiracy. These ultramarine facilities allowed the CBC to process recruits at an alarming rate. Monty Hall, the man behind door number three, it was at the CBC that Hall masterminded the game show that traded American dollars for American sense. It's time for the all new let's make a deal. I'm TV Big Dealers, Monty Hall. Everything I have today, I order the CBC. Rich Little, the man of a thousand voices. It was at the CBC that little developed the technique of undermining the highest office in our land. Our hop-up President Ronald Reagan. I am delighted to be here tonight. But then at my age, Hill, I'm delighted to be anywhere. At that time, I was doing a radio show for CBC and a lot of television too. But little and Hall were only two of thousands to be trained by the Canadian conspiracy at Fortress CBC. Isolated inside soundproof studios, advanced methods of indoctrination were ruthlessly applied. The CBC and Washington sessions lasted long into the night. So intense with these so-called rehearsals that today, CBC alumni can only remember the network with a gratitude that borders on reverence. The government institution that made my whole career in California possible was unquestionably Mother CBC. You know, everyone has different pet names for the CBC. I just used to call it Papa. Well, the CBC was a great help to me. It's the best training ground in the world. Well, the CBC is, I think, I think we're a lot of Canadians start. It's, it's like a paid education. You get to receive money for writing shows that you don't really know what you're doing yet. And, and you can try it out. And then when you got it down, go to the States. Space. The final frontier. Star Trek. An American institution which for 20 years has spawned fanatical cults, kept students from their homework and made, be me up Scotty, a popular term of endearment. You boldly go when no man has gone before. Star Trek. An American institution under the control of CBC TV. And ANN researchers have the evidence to prove it. As this test film clearly shows, CBC TV was training performers to function in zero gravity as far back as 1958. A friend, Romans, countrymen and me are here as I come to bury Caesar not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them, the good is often turret with their bones, so let it be with Caesar. Two men with one common goal, to boldly go where no Canadian had gone before. My sister's youngest admiral, crazy to get to space. Every unmanned fancied. I just can't remember it myself. Crazy to get to space or crazy to take over America. But you promised. You said this wasn't going on the air, you said this was fun. This isn't fun. By 1957, with so many of its agents working safely inside America, the Canadian government, led by one John G. Deepenbaker, once again, required the special talents of Lauren Green. They tracked him down in Stratford, Canada, where he had been hiding out in a local theater festival, disguised as a Shakespearean actor. Go and command me to my brother Caches. Bit him said on his powers by times before, and we will follow. Later that same evening, Lauren Green would accept the most dangerous assignment of his career. His mission to coordinate the entire West Coast wing of the Canadian conspiracy. Working closely with members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Green patrolled the streets of Hollywood, monitoring the daily movements of the Canadian entertainers stationed there. By 1959, Lauren Green had become the most powerful, unknown actor in Hollywood. But he would not be unknown for long. During a top secret meeting with his superiors, Green outlined a list of demands for his continued loyalty. I said, sure, on three conditions. He said, what are those? I said, well, a successful series. And secondly, a starring role and thirdly, a lot of money, as well as for the moon, you know. Bunmanza, two millions of Americans, a favorite Sunday night ritual. To Lauren Green, a lucrative contract from the leaders of the Canadian conspiracy. There is no such thing as a Canadian conspiracy. There's never been a Canadian conspiracy. Only people. People, people, people. It is 1963. In Canada, Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson is now in power. Pearson authorizes a large segment of his government's budget to developing young comedians for the Canadian conspiracy. Pearson looks south for help with his comedy commanders. He needs the advice of two of Canada's most covert comedians. Johnny Whaling and Frank Schuster, the infamous comedy duo that infiltrated the Ed Sullivan show, more often than any other act, a record 67 times surpassing even Tukbo Gigiol, the small Italian Rogan. Frank Schuster and Johnny Whain, they were just the men Pearson was looking for, veteran comedians who know what it takes to make it an America. They chose the students from thousands of applicants only the best and the funniest were accepted. Young Canadian comedians with raw talent ready to be refined. They chose the teachers, men and women who knew the world of comedy from set up to punchline. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, Whain and Schuster worked tirelessly to mold Canada's young comedy into a potent strike force of comedians. Hundreds of funny Canadians armed with some of the most hilarious jokes to ever cross our border. In the years ahead, America's sense of humor would suffer the tragic consequences. Throughout the 60s, a vast network of Whain and Schuster schools spread out across Canada. They give them a front for the Canadian conspiracy, a prime example MacMastie University, breeding ground for some of the most subversive minds now operating inside American show business. Among the students who attended this so-called institution of higher learning, Martin Schord. How do you feel, Moby? My little friend in the water. Are you hungry at all? MacMastie University. I don't know how to answer this. Let's move on. Ivan Wrightman. I know I can make any move that I want anytime. That's all I know. Doug Henning. Thank you! Welcome to my world of magic, a world of wonder and enchantment. Yes, I was first enrolled in the Comedy Division of Enchantment, but then I found out I wasn't funny. Dave Thomas. I'm doing a special Christmas theme today. A lot of people want to make master. Big deal. And finally, Eugene Levy. You learned to deal with hacklers, and I've learned that, hey, you just can't let it bother you. I'm a... Where is he? Oh, she looks sort of a... Oh, my, Moby, Moby, you're a dead man, tell her! The pressure was incredible. You're competing with a lot of very talented people. Every week you gotta come up with new material. If they didn't like it, you'd be gone the next day. Who's this guy, Gene Levy? Who are you talking about? I don't know. Dave City doesn't know me. Well, you know, you have to understand my friends. You know, you have to understand where they're coming from, where their sense of humor comes from. You know, because that's what it is, it's their sense of humor. They're just describing me like... I don't even get a laugh for you. I mean, why Dave City doesn't know me, I don't know. I know him. I've known him for years. I want to school. I worked with him. I know his family. He knows my family. I don't know why it's here. I mean, the fact that people went there, they just sort of tumbled into it. It was a complete accident. You know, hitting, ripen, short, levy. Oh, you guys, you're good. You're really good. I heard that Levy was there, but I never met him. Today, show business academies such as McMaster University, continue to indoctrinate young Canadian minds without fear of reprisal. Study these cases closely. Because in the not-too-distant future, every one of them will play a featured role inside the American entertainment industry. By the late 1960s, America is in turmoil. Protestants of a disobedience are rampant. Psychologists play much of the blame for the volatile behavior of young Americans or the negative influence of television programming, programming controlled by members of the Canadian conspiracy. There were certain television shows in the late 60s, especially those with a dominant Canadian influence that were particularly destructive. I'm thinking now of laughing the smothers' brothers and particularly, let's make a deal. As the ratings of these shows went up, the verbal and mathematical skills of American viewers declined. In layman's terms, these Canadian shows screwed us up good. In Canada, the late 60s are peaceful and quiet. It is a time of confidence and pride. The natives go about their daily routine, hunting and gathering food, leaving political concerns to their leaders in Ottawa. It's Trudeau, Mania, fans of newly elected Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau. Our behavior is that he's the 15th leader. This country has gone wild. Pierre Trudeau, international statesman, hard-knows-negotiator and eligible bachelor, a man who operated on his own. From his first day in office, Trudeau made the Canadian conspiracy, the nation's number one priority, demonstrating the fearless management style that would become a personal trademark. David Steinberg, a recent find at a Winnipeg induction center, and a personal favorite of a new Prime Minister. The young Canadian gains notoriety when the smothers' brother's show is cancelled after his controversial performance of the gospel according to Steinberg. Now here, there are two concepts that we must deal with. There is the New Testament concept and the Old Testament concept. The Old Testament scholar say that Jonah was in fact swallowed by a whale. The Gentiles, the New Testament scholars, they say, hold it, Jews. No. Jonah was in... Jonah, they literally grabbed the Jews by the Old Testament. StBS Network executives argue that comedy shows have no business making fun of the supreme being. But Pierre Trudeau claims privately that he can take a joke as well as the next guy. However, for Trudeau, the cancellation of the smothers' brothers is no laughing matter. Mr. Prime Minister, how do you plan to get back at CBS? Just watch me. Three weeks later, CBS replaces the smothers' brothers with yet another Canadian controlled production. Kiha for the last 15 years designed and executed by known members of the Canadian conspiracy. Its sole purpose? Avenging the injustice done to David Steinberg. I see a long, straight line of thought a continent. No chain of thoughts or deep flowing river or mountain range, but a line drawn by men upon a map nearly a century ago, excepted with a handshake and kept ever since. The 49th parallel, the only undefended frontier in the world. In the years following, Trudeau's rise to power, US immigration statistics indicate that there was a further surge of Canadians moving to the United States. And yet not one US border official did anything to prevent it. Canadians are real nice people, courteous, polite, a real pleasure to do business with. I figure I've issued, this is just a ballpark figure, mind you. Somewhere in the range of 50,000 green cards to Canadians. If you're a foreigner and you want to work legally in the US, you'll need one of these. It's called a green card. Well, the first time I came down I was frightened about crossing border because I had to slip through, of course, I had no green card. A green card is your passport to prosperity. It's not easy to get a green card. You have to have an incredible talent or some incredible genius. My great genius was marrying an American woman. And if you're a Canadian performer and you want to be successful in the US, you'll need the help of this man. Well, long green was my mentor. Long green is a big, big idol. Love him. Great voice. Nice to go. Great hair. Green card. Long green. Coincidence. There's no connection between the name, long green and green card. Absolutely none. There must be a connection between long green and the green card. Because all the people I know who have green card, it's no longer green. New York. At one time, the cultural capital of America. Today, a city held hostage by the Canadian conspiracy. The point of infiltration. Late night TV. Hi, I'm Lauren Michaels, the producer of Saturday night. Right now, we're being seen by approximately 22 million viewers. This man is the brains behind Operation Manhattan. 1944. Lauren Michaels is born in Toronto, Canada. Lauren Michaels. Lauren Green. Coincidence. Lauren Michaels. Very bright. Very interesting. And very successful. 1965. Michael's Mary's fellow comedy writer, Rosie Schuster. Rosie Schuster. Only daughter of comedian Frank Schuster. True love. Or true North. Strong and free. I don't know Lauren Michaels by personally. Only by reputation and none of it is good. And I would say once again, the top role of friend, Canadian beaver. 1971. After years of playing straight man to a beaver, Michaels is ordered south. I never noticed any conspiracy stuff when Lauren and I were working together. I wasn't with him all the time, so I mean... 1975. Michaels resurfaces in New York as producer of Saturday Night Live, a show riddled with members of the Canadian conspiracy. There's no other pair of Czech brothers who cruise and swing so successfully in fight slacks. We are to wild and crazy guys! Dan is a good Canadian boy. He usually rides at the house for the six pack of mallsons and three counties. 1982. Michaels promotes a former SNL lieutenant to the rank of major and awards him a new assignment. Paul Schaefer. Paul Schaefer, I know real well. Now there's a great Canadian. There's a guy who's going to really extend to a buddy. I know anytime I'm in New York, he can get me tickets in the audience of the David Letterman show. 1985. Michaels watches proudly as a fellow conspirator, forces well-known Americans to look and act like idiots. I'm as doomed as doomed as I'm being! Oh! On hand by nephew, I must say. Because what you're doing is far from decent, you know. I know law and Michaels. Very, very clever man. Today, the leader of Operation Man Happen operates out of this building in the center of the city he calls his own. Despite the overwhelming evidence against him, law and Michaels refuses to acknowledge his un-American activities. I don't think anybody could get a job working with me by mentioning the fact that they're secretly Canadian. I think that talent is sort of the chief criteria and people that I work with. It's got to be talent, you know. Just because you know, 90% of the people who aren't, you know, are Canadian. You know, I'm sure has nothing to do with it, you know. Definitely talent. It is 1981. Charles Joseph Clark is elected Prime Minister of Canada. Six months later, he is replaced. The progress of the Canadian conspiracy is unaffected. Lost Angeles, the capital of the so-called American entertainment industry. But the records inside these Hollywood studios tell a far different story. Jesus, you think I mean, does she go? Or does she just sort of lie there quiet and not do anything at all? She can go to your mouth to eat her shelf or does she go? Fact. Four of the five top comedy films in history have been controlled by members of the Canadian conspiracy. I feel Canadian. My sense of humor is Canadian. Fact. Each of these films is aimed at the youth of America. Hey man, am I driving okay? I think we're parked here. Look at me. We've practically sold grass, right? And I'm rich, I made a lot of money. This is Miss Sherry Forever. Fact. Each of these films weakens the moral fiber of our future leaders. Hi Steve. Paul. I had nowhere to go so Hollywood seemed like an interesting thing to try for a couple of years. Ghostbusters, the most successful comedy film ever made. Written, directed and performed by suspected members of the Canadian conspiracy. It's the St. Puff Marshall, man. Canadians will stop at nothing to capture every American box office dollar. Well there's something you don't see every day. One thing you will see every day is a certain member of the Canadian conspiracy strolling down Hollywood's walk of fame. He has taken on the solemn duty of polishing the stars of some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Each and every one of them Canadian. How we Mandel hopes that this loyalty to his homeland will be recognized by his superiors. And that someday he too will have a star next to his Canadian show business idols. Proud of his heritage and fearless of the consequences, how we Mandel attempted to educate our news crew. Oh look, another Canadian. Favourite. You know who that is from the original King Kong. It seemed my favorite star in the whole world. In fact, she said my favorite line in that movie that I'll never forget. And I use it as often as I can. It went something like this. Ha! Hollywood, where every star on the walk of fame is another victory for the Canadian conspiracy. The Look at it out there. Traffic jams. Smok. You can't even go on a picnic if you want. Oh, only they kept their promise. You know, one more month, Eugene. And then we'll send you home for a little rest. Two more months, Eugene. But first you got that special coming up. You know, hey, love you. Don't forget you got a movie to do. Think it should be Chaus and Malibu. And they think you'll be happy. I am the reason of a war. While it is the Canadian conspirators, fanatical sense of nationalism that drives them onward to increasingly subversive behavior, that same love of country can provoke severe depression. To the innocent eye, these people may appear to be enjoying themselves. But beneath the surface, each of these immigrants is sad, alone, and lost. Statistically, the number one mental disorder among these people is homesickness. It's still horrible down here. I mean, every day it's the same. You know, the sun comes out. Somebody plays in the pool. It's hot. It's horrible. Yeah, I want to go home. As a young woman in the backwoods of Canada, Margot Kitter longed for something better. I'm going to get out of this place and get some money. The Canadian government, always on the lookout for new talent, was only a correspondence course away. After her first visit to the nearest induction center, Kitter quickly learned the price of stardom. Here I am. I could kill that school. Holding hands with a god. I'm a fool. I think you lose, and I two point a year perhaps for all the time you spent down here. I think that's hard. But I guess the price has to be paid. You suffered down here. You suffered. You know, I remember the night I packed my bags. I was gone. I was history. Goodbye, LA. But the last minute I get a phone call from Leslie Nielsen. No, no. I've never had the pleasure of meeting you. Lovey, Eugene, lovey. He said, Gene, you've got to realize one of the things you want most is to go home. That's the one thing you must never do. Oh, Mr. Levy is a Canadian. Well, I didn't know that. That's fine. I'm delighted. You've got a responsibility to Parliament to the Canadian people. Call Eugene Levy? I've never called Eugene Levy. You've got to keep in mind the national character you're here to serve and protect. Why would I phone somebody that I've never heard of? He said, you're down here to do a job. It's a do it will. I never talked to you. And if I ever get to know him, I won't talk to him either. Well, Leslie Nielsen will tell you he's never called, but I swear to you, he called. But he's lying. Absolutely he's lying. Leslie Nielsen has my phone number memorized. I mean, it's not even written down. I called him and told him not to leave. I tell you one thing. If I ever called him about any, I'd be calling him to tell him, Tully, and that's the truth of it. So you know, I'm not lying. What can I say? You know, Leslie Nielsen is lying. I did not call Eugene Levy whoever he might be. He did. I didn't. He did. I didn't. Dad! Did he? Dad! Did he? Dad! Did he? I didn't call him. Well, he's a big fat wire. What is Leslie Nielsen hiding from the American public? What's going on? We have a right to know the truth. All right, I'm going to level with you all. The most important thing now is that you remain calm. There's no reason to panic. Now it is true that one of the crew members is ill. Sightly ill. Who is Leslie Nielsen trying to protect? Which I think, which I think, which I think, which I, which I, which I, which I, I won't. I won't. Oh, I don't think so. Any connection between my brother and minister of defense and the success I have here in America. I don't think there's any connection at all. Over the past 30 years, Americans have been buying more and more records written and recorded by known members of the Canadian conspiracy. A case in point and Murray, America's favorite female vocalist. But what do the lyrics of our hit songs really mean? As far as I know, the song Snowbird has nothing to do with the weather in Canada. It's about some little bird. Some little bird? Miss Murray, surely you can do better than that. No. I think the song Snowbird is, well, I've been told now by American disc jockeys that the song Snowbird is about drugs. And how many of Ann Murray's fans have ever taken the time to play one of her songs backwards. Researchers at A&N have done exactly that and discovered this subliminal message hidden between the grooves. The Canadians are coming. The Canadians are coming. The Canadians are coming. The Canadians are coming. Surrender peacefully. You will not be harmed. You hear that when you play Snowbird back. Backwards. Well, I've never listened to Snowbird backwards. I would think that's a bit of a waste of time. They just said it was Snowbird. It's said in Snowbird. It seemed like everything we came up with, the Americans were willing to pay top dollar for TV shows, movies, music, Eskimo. I mean, it's just like the Thomas in school. There's an American born every minute. Trivial pursuit. Just one example of the ever-expanding arsenal of the Canadian conspiracy. Designed to wreak havoc on the leisure time of all Americans. Who pulls start out this war in green. Any original pilot episode to finance. Define the carlo. Every day, members of the Canadian conspiracy drive into Beverly Hills to shop, to eat, and to spend vast amounts of their ill-gottened wealth. Each of them in search of the increasing number of Canadian products which have infiltrated the American marketplace. The latest favorite is available in only the most fashionable food shops. And as usual, the cost is no object. Maple Syrup. Curdacy of the same Canadian who distracted attention from his government's plot by convincing America that a certain communist country was invading its shores. Russians are coming! The Russians are coming! Very clever, another boy. Very, very clever to see that my friend and I are foreign, as if not the Russians, naturally. Now we will of course Norwegians. In communities across America, members of the Canadian conspiracy need daily and plan new inroads into the American way of life. And while we continue to prepare ourselves for attack from the east, the west, and the south, we have ignored the real threat from the north, from Canada. The West. Meanwhile, in our nation's capital, the security forces responsible for defending us against any foreign threat have done nothing to stop the Canadian conspiracy. Why? The problem is, most of these people blend in so easily with the rest of us. They look the same, talk the same. There's nothing they have to do. It will be a lot easier to spot Canadians if they look different and talk different, like Mexicans for example. It's very easy for a Mexican to distinguish a Canadian from an American. The difference in accent, in physique, there's no question about it. You can tell them apart. Unlike for example a Bolivian and a Colombian. The biggest character difference, I think, between Americans and Canadians is, they're shoes. The American shoe is a nicer tailored shoe. Very sleek, very stylish. A Canadian shoe usually is wider and with a tread to it. It's a bulkier shoe, comfortable, but for look wise, I think that is the basic difference between Americans and Canadians. It isn't a footwear. Canada, a country whose border is very close to our own, yet a country we Americans know very little about. Who are these people we call Canadians? What kind of work do they do? Where do they come from? And where are they going? How do they survive in winter? Do they have a summer? And what about romance? And what about the culture of Canada? How different is it from our own? For a better understanding of the country and its people, the American news network went north to Canada. Month after month, we recorded the varied texture of the Canadian lifestyle from the warmth of our camera van. During the brief summer fall, we ventured outdoors to ask the people of Canada, point blank, why so many of their entertainers are working in America. The last money to get bigger money, more, what do you call it? The big bucks. You know, well I would say certain man, how do we work? Well, I don't get involved in politics, so many things. Frightening, isn't it? A nation of people willing to swallow whatever Pablo their government decides to feed them. The government of Canada, a group of ruthless politicians who spend their days bickering over the spoils of the Canadian conspiracy. Politicians who will try anything to camouflage their direct responsibility for undermining the American way of life. Canada knows what's going on in the United States politically, but Americans don't know what's going on in Canada. Maybe they're just as wild. Well, we've had a good time here kind of at the expense really of our friends, not like to call them our friends to the north, because I always feel welcome when I'm there. And they're certainly welcome in my town, but the truth of the matter is the Canadian influence has really infused my life to a great degree. There's really nothing more fun for me than to wake up in the morning and have some Canadian bacon for breakfast and then maybe when I get a little parched, you know, a glass of Canadian club, let's be honest. And then maybe go out to a hockey game and then to really cap off an evening. And I don't know how long you've been here in LA, but we have got some Canadian restaurants here that will knock your socks off. When's the last time you had like a really good cup of hot water and some oatmeal? Why have none of the major networks reported any story about the Canadian conspiracy? Perhaps the host of ABC Nightly News has the answer. New furniture, finally furniture in our lanes has tremendous savings for you. This eight piece living room suite can be yours for only $338.00. Regular retail value was $591.85, so you save $253.85. This chest of your features all rubber foam, not imitation plastic foam, and it's guaranteed for life against the loss of shape or sagging of the edges. And what about 60 minutes? Why haven't it's hard hitting reporters hit hard at the Canadian conspiracy? What have you got to hide? Have you ever heard of Lauren Green? I'm not talking about any of this business. And what about Morley's Safer? A Canadian. That's right. A Canadian. Why is a Canadian doing a job that an American could do just as well? What do you know with a Canadian conspiracy? There is no comment. Mr. Safer. Mr. Safer, we know your friends with Warren Green. Fnanzah! And if we were to go to war with Canada, who side would he fight on? The Americans? Or them? I will not answer that question. No comment. No comment. No comment. No comment. No comment. No. That's none of your business. No. No comment. Um. Who is the question? If America went to war with Canada, I would have to go with Canada. A government committed to recruiting entertainers to infiltrate America. A so-called American actor swarmed to avenge the honor of his vindictive leader. A fleet of educational institutions designed to mold the youth of a nation into a potent strike force of entertainers. A national television network operating as a finishing school for the most subversive minds to ever penetrate the living rooms of America. A prime minister who took on American television and won. America's two largest cities run by two lorns. How far have these people penetrated? How far are they willing to go? And will they ever be satisfied? The Canadian conspiracy, a secret army of entertainers who have abused our generosity and good faith. Under the guise of friendship, they have entered our country armed with strict orders from their government. Take over American media, take over American minds, and we'll take over America. And as our full-hardy presidents continue to consort with the power-hungry leaders of the enemy within, America sinks ever downward into chaos and despair. Wake up America, time is running out. The world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world of the world They had lots of plans. I mean, every time we had a new prime minister it was like let's take over the movie industry. No, no, no. Let's take over the music industry. No, no, no. Board game. Yeah. Pay TV. No, music. No, movies. Well, I'm finished. I'm done. I watched my hands of the whole thing. That's it. I just wish I knew then what I know now. That's all. Things just got out of hand. I mean, if there was only some way I could Fix the damage that I've done. I'm sorry, America. Hey, no hard feelings. If you're like me, what you've just seen has shocked and upset you. As I watched tonight's special edition, I became increasingly concerned about the safety of my family. And my friends. I thought about what the future has in store for us and how our lives will change. As you go about your daily routine in the weeks to come, think back to this program. Think about how Canadians may be affecting your life and the life of this once great nation. Canadian experience, experience, experience, the Canadian experience, the experience that I have in hood into going about it. No, I don't know about Canadian politics, it's the same. I think it's possible for them to have a sizable share because we're so close together, but I don't think it's possible for them to totally take over. I just don't give a great deal of feelings to the conspiracies. From somebody speaking to me on the street about them, actually. I don't think Canada will ever take over the United States. I don't think there's anything we have to worry about. Can't be done. No Canadian comedians. Tomorrow, controversy will knock out Vanessa Williams and Harry Connick Jr. co-hosts a retrospective of the most prestigious musical awards of the last 35 years, almost as old as me. Grammy's greatest moments, tomorrow at 8 on City. They're leaving show up. I'll listen guys, you bug me enough. You're a big imposition. You hang lights in the car, you stick a cameraman up here, you got a sound man in the front seat, and you're imposing on my life. Forget it, it's over, it's over, end, end. Tonight, and 11-year-old kills, two intruders were left home alone in the...