Hee Haw Joe (Satire)

Video Transcript:

V He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. The heat hall gang is a rare nago. We're ready with a great big brand new show. Zellini Rocker, Snuggle Only Count. It'll last so hard you'll want to see it out. Right now! The futures in every one of those classrooms. And so folks, we owe our teachers a debt of gratitude. Even the ones that didn't give me a great grade. Oh, oh, oh, oh! Hey, you know Willie, I hear they're using women now in the secret service. Yeah, Gennela, there goes all of our secrets. So welcome to the show. So welcome back, old buddy. And I want to thank you guys, been a friend for me for a long time. And gone anywhere I've ever asked him. John Bon Jovi, thank you, pal. Thank you, friend. You're a national treasure. You've always captured the heart and soul of America. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh! Gennela, I heard you say you owe everything you've got to your wife. Yeah. I do my ulcers, my bills, and my head-aids. If we were these masks, over the next few months, we could save 100,000 lives. You know what's really sad about all this? The president knew back at the end of January how deadly this virus was. We get it from the front. Bottom line, we don't have to worry about this one, right? This is not a major threat for the people in the United States. And this is not something that the citizens of the United States right now should be worried about. Hey, Junior, I hear you was walking down the road, and some guy hits you with an automobile. Yeah, that's right. I asked him why he didn't go around. And he said he's afraid he'd run out of gas. I don't think people should be frightened. The risk right now, today currently, is really relatively low for the American public. So right now, don't worry about it. Be more concerned about influenza, which is going into a second peak for the season, than coronavirus, but keep in mind that the coronavirus situation could change, which is the reason why we're taking it very seriously. I'd like to think there just nothing stands today, but I'm afraid they are. As we stand here today, the risk of the American public remains low. As we said, we should anticipate more cases, but again, the current risk the American public remains low. How should Americans prepare for this virus? Should they go on with their daily lives, change their routine? Well, I hope they don't change their routine, but maybe Anthony, I'll let you answer that. You want to answer it? I think it's really important that, as I said, the risk at this time is low. The public needs to go on with their normal lives. We're continuing to aggressively investigate these new community links. We're going to continue to be transparent in relating that to the American public. But at this stage, again, the risk is low. We need to go on with our normal lives. Can you tell you? Can you tell us? Can you warn the American people? No! You had six kids and I had eleven, and we had eight more just to bloom in like flowers. I wish you'd come back and help me my darling. Your kids and my kids are the same. Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I'd come true love. You made another reference to your God. But there's these things that are called, there's a virus. The virus is what we're dealing with now. A particularly lousy kind of virus. It's like flu on steroids. It's a really bad, bad kind of flu. What's your name? Rambo? Strangely? Number one slasher. Hey, I feel me in her and the stripping snake today. What is that? What's wrong with you? I feel me in her and the stripping snake. I just want to fight. I didn't know you was a fighter. You didn't? No. Is that right? Yeah. And then my manager made me quit fighting women. Oh! Well, then you started fighting men, huh? Yeah, no task. Well, then I got knocked out so many times they put silver handles on my drawers to carry me out. Did you got on the paper there? That's the list of all the people I can whip. Oh. Yeah, I make out a list so I'll be sure, you know. You got it on there. Well, I got many pearls. I went at Kathy Baker, Grand Paul Jones, he's been sick. Now, you know what, I got Roy Clark, Charlie Foxon. Oh, just a minute. Back up. Strangely? Who was that, uh, Roy Clark? I thought that's what you said. I know it. You think you can whip me? Well, I got your name down here. Look, I got news for you, Mr. Campbell. You can't whip me. What was that, right? I got a name out there. Why? Because you knew I was coming. He sold us short. That's what happened. We love the time we spent with you. To share a song and a laugh for two. May your pleasures be many. Your troubles be few. Good night, everybody. We'll see you next week on He-Ha! You can make an immediate difference in your own lives. The lives of the people all across this country. Because their election will put an end to the block in Washington at $2,000 stimulus check. That money will go out the door immediately. We're going to be $1,400 period. That's what the American people were promised. That's what the American people were promised. And the debate over $2,000 is in some abstract debate in Washington. It's about real lives. I'm not cutting the size of the checks. They're going to be $1,400 period. That's literally true. If you send John and the Reverend to Washington, those $2,000 checks will go out the door, restoring hope, and decency in honor for so many people are struggling right now. 25% American households will get direct payments of $1,400 per person. $2,000 stimulus check. We're going to be $1,400 period. Total of $2,000, $1,400 per person. It's going to be tough to get this done. We have to do it. People's lives literally depend on it. We will finish the job of getting a total of $2,000 and cash relief to people who need it the most. I'm not cutting the size of the checks. They're going to be $1,400 period. That's what the American people were promised. $2,000 is going to go a long way. They're going to be $1,400. People will be $2,000, right? They're going to be $1,300. Yes. Period. $2,000 for a typical middle-class family of four husband and wife working, making $100,000 a year total with three kids. They'll get $5,600. They'll be on the way soon. That money that will go out the door immediately. They'll be on the way soon. Immediately. I think I've been proven right across the board. So you get nothing you lose. This is that moment where the American people should be able to count on the commander and chief in the president of the United States to speak truth, to embrace truth, to embrace fact, to embrace the truth. To embrace fact, to embrace science.