Trump Explains Fake Shooting and Why

Video Transcript:

Thank you. I'm okay. Everything's okay. This was all planned. That's why I'm going to pump my fist now. Everyone whose life is in danger just does a photo op. I know that's the first thing all of you would do after being shot at. Stand up and raise your fist like you're 100% positive. There will be no more incoming fire in your position. We needed to do this to boost the ratings. A lot of people weren't believing in elections anymore and after operation whoop speed I really needed people to believe that I was on their side again. But don't worry there will be hundreds of hours of conspiracy for all of you to look into about how this isn't what the mainstream media is presenting and all the secret societies and foundations are behind this. And then I'll fuck you over again for the next four years and this will all be a distant memory. If the controllers really wanted me gone they could have done it quietly through a heart attack gun or a plane crash or hijacking my vehicle and Michael Hastings may ask through a concrete wall or any other number of ways with plausible deniability but instead they did it in the most public face in way possible while at the same time CNN and all these other left leading organizations are now admitting about Joe Biden what they denied for years along with not being able to stop talking about me for the past four fucking years I wasn't in office and the fact that I've been publicly put on trial like a hundred times definitely no coordination and collusion in any of this and if you say otherwise you totally nuts this isn't just one big media event to harvest the maximum amount of luch from everyone just watch how 90% of the people who lost faith in me will now do a 180 and at the end of my upcoming term which is pretty obvious at this point I will do a new big event maybe another fake pandemic or maybe we could do a fake collapse in the United States for a couple months to put the new banking system in people will believe anything nowadays I argued with my handlers that I should have used ketchup for my new ear holes but they said that might be too much and to give it a couple years they're thinking about getting rid of presidential terms and just having me and Joe Biden swap places every four years I mean who really gives a fuck at this point maybe I'll do another interview with Dr. Phil you dumb cunts will really buy anything I sell won't you theater Roosevelt also got shot and went on to deliver a speech this goofy reality just can't resist using the same scripts over and over again it's just also fake and gay oh yeah I almost forgot fuck you Rose