Good Ol Simpsons

Video Transcript:

I'd like to call to order this secret conclave of America's media empires. We're here to come up with the next phony baloney crisis to put Americans back where they belong and dark rooms glued to their televisions to terrified to skip the commercials. Well I think... NBC, you are here to listen and not speak. I think we should go with a good old-fashioned public health scare. Yeah. A new disease, no one's immune. It's like the summer of the shark except instead of a shark, it's an epidemic and instead of summer, it's all the time. That is... Now I hate to be the guy who derails when everybody else loves. He loves being that guy. But Janice, we do have standards. This can't be a made-up disease. The only moral thing to do is release a deadly virus into the general public. We do have something we've been holding on to but it hasn't been tested. Get over here NBC. Well we certainly believe in testing but I... Oh. Wow. Wow. Oh yeah. So we've got our deadly disease. No, we just have to blame it on something that's in every household, something that people are a little bit afraid of already. House cat flu is coming people. The Center for Disease Disinformation predicts with some degree of probability that the house cat flu might spread in the following hypothetical outbreak pattern. So, pet her beware that warm body on your lap just might be ready to destroy your tender vittles. Springfielders are advised to stay tuned for more information if they experience any of the following symptoms. Mild thirst, occasional hunger, tiredness at night. So, Professor, would you say it's time for everyone to panic? Yes, I would. Free up I, we have to burn everything the cat touched before the virus makes us paranoid! Hey dad, this came for you in the mail. Mother, get an extra special hug ready. I've bought you a new juicer. Good lord. Flu germs entering every orifice in my head. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. What the? Don't worry people, we have enough vaccines for one child per family. I don't even have a kid that I admit that. Please use your time in line wisely to Sophie's choice your child. God, I got a rock! What up, rock! Mr. Barnes, where's he going? Yes, I'd like 37 sniffters of your influenza syrup. One for me, one for Smithers here and the rest for my hens. Look son, it's one of nature's most beautiful sights, the Convoy! I don't think about it, I've moved on. Week, he called me week. So listen, if I could just ask you one question. You know, I don't know when this was ever a good idea. We shall pay any price. Bear any burden. Meet any hardship. Support any friend. Oppose any foe to ensure the survival and the success of liberty. Confident that with your help man will be what he was born to be free and independent.